New Segment!

Dear Girl In Bathroom,

I am terribly sorry to hear that you were out of school for the past two weeks with mono. However, the word is pronounced "NODES" like "MODES"... but with an 'N'. Also I'm pretty sure the phrase "SWOLLED UP" is not grammatically correct and "SWOLLED" is not a word. The word you might have been looking for is "SWOLLEN". It also baffles me that you would be obnoxiously talking about having mono and not caring that tons of people were listening. How did you make it to the 12th grade?

-Babbling Brook

Dear 8+ Girls In A Tiny Bathroom,

No, no! Please don't move out of the way so that I can actually get to a stall. I'll just teleport into it or maybe I'll just stand here and wet my pants. You all shouldn't have to be brushing your teeth, doing your makeup, or even WASHING YOUR HAIR. It's 7:30 am and you're already at school. Some people actually need the restroom for things like... hmm... I don't know... maybe peeing? Also, no one cares about how much your boyfriend loves it when you "twerk" for him. I don't need that disturbing mental image or the intense details while I'm peeing. OH and don't dare move out from in front of my stall door. You staring vainly into the mirror is MUCH more important. I'll just shove the door open and ignore your evil glares. You don't have to hop off of the two sinks you're laid across. I'll just work around you. Please ladies safe this for the bathroom at home.

-Babbling Brook